Ejaculation by Command by Lloyd Lester

Ejaculation by Command: A Comprehensive Review

Understanding the Foundations of Ejaculation Control

Ejaculation by Command, created by sex educator Lloyd Lester, is built on the principle that ejaculation involves a complex interplay of mental and physical factors. The program aims to give men the tools to harness this mind-body connection for greater sexual control.

The Mind-Body Connection in Sexual Performance

Our thoughts and emotions play a crucial role in sexual function. Anxiety, stress, and negative self-talk can all contribute to premature ejaculation.

By addressing these psychological factors, the program creates a foundation for improved control.

I’ve found that paying attention to my mental state during sexual activities has been eye-opening. Noticing patterns of anxiety or self-doubt that affect performance can be a game-changer.

For example, I realized I often worried about disappointing my partner, which ironically made it harder to maintain control.

The Role of Physical Conditioning

The physical aspects of ejaculation control are equally important. Ejaculation by Command incorporates exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, particularly through Kegel exercises.

These muscles play a crucial role in ejaculatory control, and strengthening them can lead to significant improvements in sexual stamina.

When I first started doing Kegels, I was skeptical. But after a few weeks of consistent practice, I noticed a real difference in my ability to hold back ejaculation.

It’s like building any other muscle – it takes time and effort, but the results are worth it.

Key Techniques in the Ejaculation by Command Program

Breathing Exercises for Arousal Management

One of the cornerstones of the program is the use of specific breathing techniques to manage arousal levels. By learning to control your breath, you can modulate your level of excitement and delay ejaculation.

The program teaches various breathing patterns that can be discreetly used during sexual activity.

I was surprised at how effective simple breathing exercises could be. One technique that worked well for me was the 4-7-8 method: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, and exhale for 8.

It’s subtle enough that your partner won’t notice, but it can really help bring you back from the edge.

The Stop-Start Technique: A Time-Tested Approach

Ejaculation by Command incorporates the well-known stop-start technique, first developed by Dr. James Semans in 1956. This method involves bringing yourself close to the point of ejaculation, then stopping stimulation to allow arousal to subside.

With practice, this technique can significantly extend the duration of sexual encounters.

I found the stop-start technique challenging at first. It needs a lot of self-awareness and willpower.

But with practice, I got better at recognizing my “point of no return” and stopping in time.

It’s made a huge difference in my stamina.

Mindfulness and Sexual Awareness

The program emphasizes the importance of mindfulness during sexual activities. By staying present and aware of your body’s sensations, you can better recognize the signs of approaching ejaculation and take steps to delay it.

Mindfulness was a game-changer for me. I used to get caught up in my head during sex, worrying about performance or thinking about work.

Learning to stay present and focused on physical sensations improved my control but made sex more enjoyable overall.

Implementing Ejaculation by Command in Your Life

Starting with Solo Practice

The program recommends beginning your progress with solo practice. This allows you to explore the techniques without the added pressure of a partner’s presence.

Start by incorporating the breathing exercises and stop-start technique into your masturbation routine.

Solo practice was crucial for me. It gave me the space to experiment without feeling self-conscious.

I set aside time a few times a week to practice the techniques, treating it like any other skill I wanted to improve.

Gradually Involving Your Partner

As you gain confidence in your solo practice, the program guides you on how to involve your partner. Open communication is key here.

Explain what you’re working on and how they can support you.

This can actually be a great opportunity to enhance intimacy and explore new aspects of your sexual relationship together.

Talking to my partner about what I was doing was nerve-wracking at first, but her support made a huge difference. We turned it into a fun exploration, trying out different techniques together.

It brought us closer and made our sex life more exciting.

Overcoming Performance Anxiety

One of the challenges many men face when trying to improve their ejaculatory control is performance anxiety. Ejaculation by Command addresses this by providing mental techniques to stay relaxed and focused during sexual encounters.

Remember, progress takes time, and setbacks are a normal part of the learning process.

Performance anxiety was my biggest hurdle. The program’s emphasis on self-compassion and patience was crucial.

I learned to view setbacks as learning opportunities rather than failures.

This mindset shift made a huge difference in my progress.

Potential Drawbacks and Considerations

The Risk of Over-Focus on Performance

Improving ejaculatory control can greatly enhance sexual experiences. However, becoming overly fixated on performance can increase anxiety and worsen premature ejaculation.

It’s important to maintain a balanced perspective and remember that sex is about mutual pleasure and connection, not just lasting longer.

I caught myself getting too caught up in “performing” at one point. It took some reflection to realize I was losing sight of the bigger picture.

Refocusing on pleasure and connection, rather than just duration, actually helped me relax and perform better.

Individual Variation in Results

As with any sexual health program, results can vary widely between individuals. Some men may see dramatic improvements in their ejaculatory control, while others might experience more modest gains.

It’s crucial to approach the program with realistic expectations and a patient mindset.

My progress wasn’t linear. There were weeks where I felt like I was making huge strides, and others where I seemed to plateau or even backslide.

Reminding myself that everyone’s journey is different helped me stay motivated during the tough times.

The Need for Consistent Practice

Ejaculation by Command is not a quick fix. The techniques need consistent practice over time to see significant results.

This commitment to regular practice may be challenging for some men to maintain, especially given busy lifestyles.

Finding time for regular practice was a challenge for me, especially with a demanding job. I had to get creative, like using my lunch break for quick Kegel sessions or setting a reminder on my phone for breathing exercises.

Treating it as a priority, like going to the gym, helped me stay consistent.

Adapting Ejaculation by Command to Different Scenarios

Applying the Techniques in High-Pressure Situations

One of the strengths of the program is it’s focus on mental techniques that can be applied in various scenarios. Whether you’re dealing with a new partner, a particularly exciting encounter, or a stressful situation, the mindfulness and breathing techniques can be invaluable tools.

I found these techniques especially helpful when I started dating someone new. The excitement and nerves could have easily led to premature ejaculation, but using the breathing and mindfulness techniques helped me stay in control.

Incorporating the Techniques into Different Sexual Practices

While much of the focus is on penetrative sex, the principles of Ejaculation by Command can be adapted to other sexual practices. Whether you’re engaging in oral sex, mutual masturbation, or exploring BDSM, the core techniques of arousal awareness and control remain applicable.

Experimenting with the techniques in different sexual contexts was eye-opening. I found that the mindfulness practices enhanced my enjoyment of oral sex, while the breathing techniques were helpful during more intense BDSM scenes.

Building on the Basics: Advanced Ejaculation Control

Exploring Multiple Orgasms

As you master the basic techniques of ejaculation control, you may find yourself able to explore more advanced practices. Some men report being able to experience multiple orgasms without ejaculation, a practice with roots in Taoist sexual philosophy.

The idea of multiple orgasms without ejaculation seemed far-fetched to me at first. But as I got better at controlling my arousal, I started to experience what I can only describe as “mini-orgasms” – waves of pleasure without ejaculation.

It’s opened up a whole new world of sexual experience.

Integrating Ejaculation Control with Overall Sexual Wellness

Ejaculation control is just one aspect of sexual health. As you progress, consider how these techniques can be integrated with other aspects of sexual wellness, such as erectile function, overall stamina, and sexual creativity.

Working on ejaculation control led me to take a more holistic approach to my sexual health. I started paying more attention to my diet, exercise, and stress levels, all of which have had a positive impact on my sex life.

Exercises to Reinforce Your Learning

Daily Kegel Exercise Routine

Developing a daily routine of pelvic floor exercises is crucial. Start with short sessions and gradually increase the duration and intensity.

Here’s a simple routine to get you started:

1. Identify your pelvic floor muscles by stopping urination midstream.

2. Contract these muscles for 5 seconds, then relax for 5 seconds.

3. Repeat this 10 times, 3 times a day.

4. As you get stronger, increase the duration of the contractions and the number of repetitions.

I found it helpful to link my Kegel exercises to daily activities, like doing a set every time I stopped at a red light while driving.

Mindful Masturbation Practice

Set aside time for solo practice, focusing on staying present and aware of your arousal levels. Here’s a structured approach:

1. Create a relaxing environment without distractions.

2. Start with slow, gentle stimulation, focusing on your breath and bodily sensations.

3. As you become aroused, practice the stop-start technique.

4. Pay attention to the subtle signs that show you’re approaching ejaculation.

5. Use breathing techniques to modulate your arousal.

6. Aim to extend your session for at least 20 minutes.

This practice was transformative for me. Not only did it improve my control, but it also made masturbation a more satisfying and mindful experience.

Arousal Scaling

During sexual activities, practice mentally rating your arousal on a scale of 1-10, using this awareness to modulate your excitement. Here’s how to apply this technique:

1. As you engage in sexual activity, periodically check in with yourself.

2. Assign a number from 1-10 to your current arousal level, with 10 being the point of no return.

3. If you reach 7 or 8, use breathing techniques or change your stimulation to bring your arousal down.

4. Practice maintaining your arousal between 5-7 for extended periods.

This technique helped me become much more aware of my arousal patterns. I was surprised to find how quickly I could go from a 5 to a 9 without realizing it before.

Partner Communication Exercise

Having an open conversation with your partner about your goals and how they can support you in this journey is crucial. Here’s a framework for this conversation:

1. Choose a neutral time and place, not right before or after sex.

2. Explain what you’re working on and why it’s important to you.

3. Share specific ways they can help, like giving feedback or trying new techniques together.

4. Ask for their input and address any concerns they might have.

5. Make it a collaborative effort, focusing on how it can enhance your shared sexual experiences.

This conversation was initially awkward for me, but it ended up bringing my partner and me much closer. Her support and enthusiasm made a huge difference in my progress.

Stress-Reduction Techniques

Experiment with different stress-reduction techniques like meditation or yoga to support your overall sexual wellness. Here’s a simple meditation practice to get you started:

1. Find a quiet place and sit comfortably.

2. Close your eyes and focus on your breath.

3. As thoughts arise, acknowledge them without judgment and return your focus to your breath.

4. Start with 5 minutes a day and gradually increase the duration.

I was skeptical about meditation at first, but I’ve found it incredibly helpful for managing performance anxiety and staying present during sex.

The Science Behind Ejaculation Control

Understanding the physiological processes involved in ejaculation can help you better apply the techniques in Ejaculation by Command. Here’s a brief overview:

The Phases of Male Sexual Response

1. Excitement Phase: This is when arousal begins.

Blood flow increases to the genitals, causing an erection.

2. Plateau Phase: Arousal continues to build.

Heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing rate increase.

3. Orgasm Phase: This phase includes both orgasm and ejaculation, which are separate processes.

4. Resolution Phase: The body returns to it’s pre-arousal state.

The techniques in Ejaculation by Command primarily focus on extending the plateau phase and delaying the onset of the orgasm phase.

The Role of the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous Systems

The autonomic nervous system plays a crucial role in ejaculation:

• The parasympathetic nervous system is active during arousal and erection.

• The sympathetic nervous system takes over to trigger ejaculation.

Many of the techniques in the program, such as deep breathing, help activate the parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” response), which can delay ejaculation.

Hormones and Neurotransmitters Involved in Ejaculation

Several chemical messengers play a role in the ejaculatory process:

• Dopamine increases sexual excitement and triggers ejaculation.

• Serotonin has an inhibitory effect on ejaculation.

• Oxytocin is released during orgasm and contributes to the pleasurable sensations.

Understanding these processes helped me appreciate why certain techniques work. For example, practices that increase serotonin levels, like regular exercise and a healthy diet, can support better ejaculatory control.

Common Myths About Ejaculation Control

There are many misconceptions about premature ejaculation and ejaculation control. Let’s debunk some of the most common ones:

Myth 1: Premature Ejaculation is Rare

Many men believe they’re alone in struggling with premature ejaculation. In reality, it’s one of the most common sexual issues men face.

Studies suggest that up to 30% of men experience premature ejaculation at some point in their lives.

Myth 2: Thinking About Non-Sexual Things During Sex Helps

The old advice to “think about baseball” or other non-sexual topics during sex is actually counterproductive. It takes you out of the moment and can increase performance anxiety.

The mindfulness techniques in Ejaculation by Command are much more effective.

Myth 3: Ejaculation Control is All About Physical Techniques

While physical techniques are important, psychological factors play a huge role in ejaculation control. Addressing anxiety, stress, and negative thought patterns is crucial for long-term improvement.

Myth 4: If You Can’t Last Long, You’re Bad at Sex

This myth can be incredibly damaging to self-esteem. Sexual satisfaction involves much more than just duration.

Focusing on foreplay, communication, and overall intimacy can lead to great sexual experiences regardless of how long penetration lasts.

Myth 5: Alcohol Helps with Ejaculation Control

While alcohol might delay ejaculation in the short term, it’s not a healthy or reliable solution. It can lead to other sexual problems like erectile dysfunction and can become a crutch that prevents addressing the root causes of premature ejaculation.

Recognizing these myths was an important part of my journey. It helped me approach the problem with a clearer, more realistic perspective.

The Psychological Benefits of Improved Ejaculation Control

While the physical benefits of better ejaculation control are obvious, the psychological benefits are equally significant:

Increased Sexual Confidence

As you gain more control over your ejaculation, you’ll likely experience a boost in sexual confidence. This confidence can spill over into other areas of your life.

Reduced Performance Anxiety

With improved control comes less worry about “performing” during sex. This reduction in anxiety can lead to more relaxed and enjoyable sexual experiences.

Enhanced Intimacy with Partners

Better ejaculation control often leads to longer, more satisfying sexual encounters. This can strengthen the bond between partners and improve overall relationship satisfaction.

Improved Body Awareness

The mindfulness practices involved in ejaculation control can lead to a greater sense of connection with your body, both in and out of sexual contexts.

Sense of Personal Achievement

Mastering ejaculation control can give you a sense of accomplishment and personal growth. It’s a tangible skill that you can develop and improve over time.

I’ve experienced all of these benefits firsthand. The boost in confidence and reduction in anxiety have been particularly transformative for me.

Integrating Ejaculation Control with Other Sexual Practices

Ejaculation control doesn’t exist in isolation. It can be integrated with and enhance other sexual practices:

Tantric Sex

Many of the principles in Ejaculation by Command align well with tantric sex practices. Both emphasize mindfulness, breath control, and the separation of orgasm from ejaculation.

BDSM and Power Exchange

For those interested in BDSM, ejaculation control can add another layer to power exchange dynamics. It can be incorporated into orgasm control or denial practices.

Sex Toys and Aids

Various sex toys can be used to practice and enhance ejaculation control. Masturbation sleeves, for example, can help you practice the stop-start technique with varying levels of stimulation.

Sensate Focus Exercises

These exercises, often used in sex therapy, involve mindful touching without the goal of orgasm. They pair well with the mindfulness techniques in Ejaculation by Command.

Experimenting with these different practices has added variety and excitement to my sex life while reinforcing the skills I’ve learned from the program.

The Role of Diet and Exercise in Ejaculation Control

While Ejaculation by Command focuses primarily on mental and physical techniques, lifestyle factors like diet and exercise can play a supporting role:

Exercise and Ejaculation Control

Regular exercise, particularly aerobic exercise and strength training, can have several benefits for ejaculation control:

• Improved cardiovascular health, which supports sexual function

• Increased testosterone levels, which can enhance libido and sexual performance

• Reduced stress and anxiety, which can help with performance anxiety

• Strengthened core and pelvic floor muscles

I found that adding regular exercise to my routine supported my ejaculation control efforts and improved my overall energy and mood.

Dietary Considerations

While there’s no magic diet for ejaculation control, certain nutritional strategies may help:

• Zinc-rich foods: Zinc is important for male sexual health. Foods like oysters, beef, and pumpkin seeds are good sources.

• Foods high in L-arginine: This amino acid may improve erectile function. It’s found in foods like turkey, chicken, and peanuts.

• Magnesium-rich foods: Magnesium can help reduce performance anxiety. Good sources include spinach, almonds, and avocados.

• Limiting alcohol and caffeine: Both can affect sexual function if consumed in excess.

I experimented with dietary changes and found that reducing my alcohol intake and increasing my consumption of zinc-rich foods seemed to have a positive effect on my sexual stamina.

Troubleshooting Common Challenges

Even with a comprehensive program like Ejaculation by Command, you might come across some challenges. Here are some common issues and how to address them:

Plateau in Progress

If you feel like you’ve hit a plateau:

• Review the techniques and confirm you’re practicing them correctly

• Try increasing the intensity or duration of your practice sessions

• Consider trying a new technique or approach

Partner Resistance

If your partner is hesitant about your new practices:

• Communicate openly about your goals and the benefits for both of you

• Involve them in the process, making it a shared experience

• Be patient and understanding of their perspective

Increased Sensitivity

Some men find that focusing on sensations initially increases their sensitivity:

• This is normal and often temporary

• Continue practicing, focusing on your breathing and relaxation

• Consider using desensitizing products temporarily if needed

Difficulty with Mindfulness

If you struggle with staying present:

• Start with short mindfulness sessions and gradually increase duration

• Try guided mindfulness exercises or apps

• Remember that it’s a skill that improves with practice

I encountered several of these challenges along the way. The key was to stay patient, keep communicating with my partner, and trust in the process.

Long-Term Maintenance of Ejaculation Control

Once you’ve made progress with ejaculation control, maintaining your gains is important:

Regular Practice

Even after you’ve achieved your initial goals, continue to practice the techniques regularly. This helps reinforce the skills and prevents backsliding.

Ongoing Communication with Partners

Keep the lines of communication open with your sexual partners. Discuss what’s working well and any areas for improvement.

Adapting to Life Changes

Be prepared to adjust your practices as life circumstances change. Stress, health issues, or changes in relationships may require you to revisit and adapt your techniques.

Continued Learning

Stay curious and open to learning more about sexual health and performance. Attend workshops, read books, or talk to sex educators to continue expanding your knowledge and skills.

Regular Check-ins with Yourself

Periodically assess your progress and satisfaction. Set new goals if needed, and celebrate your achievements along the way.

I’ve found that making ejaculation control practices a regular part of my life, much like exercise or healthy eating, has helped me maintain and even continue improving my skills over time.

Conclusion

Ejaculation by Command offers a comprehensive approach to improving ejaculatory control. By addressing both the physical and psychological aspects of sexual function, it provides a toolkit for men to enhance their sexual experiences and confidence.

While the program needs commitment and practice, the potential benefits – from improved sexual stamina to enhanced intimacy and self-awareness – can be significant. Remember that progress may be gradual, and individual results can vary.

Ultimately, the goal when it’s done right, is about more than just lasting longer, but about having more satisfying, connected, and enjoyable sexual experiences. With patience, practice, and an open mind, Ejaculation by Command can be a valuable resource for men looking to take control of their sexual health and pleasure.

Key Takeaways

• Ejaculation control involves both mental and physical techniques

• Consistent practice is essential for seeing results

• Start with solo practice before involving a partner

• Mindfulness and breathing techniques are powerful tools for managing arousal

• Maintain a balanced perspective on sexual performance and enjoyment